tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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