Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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