I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
