where does the pee come out of this thing
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
