im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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