I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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