in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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