He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
