I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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