Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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