Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
