I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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