I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
