Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
