What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
