So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
