party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
