What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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