so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
