Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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