U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
