Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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