i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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