so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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