She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
