This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well you can't waste a boner
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
