Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
