I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
