Ambien. No doubt about it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
