he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
