just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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