nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize