I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
