a queef is a wish your heart makes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
