I love black thongs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
