We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
