Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
