Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
