Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
