Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
