haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
