nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're so nebulous sometimes
We named our party play list daddy issues
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Randomize
