She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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