Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
