I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
