I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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