Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
