you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
two words...techno handjob
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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