Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
