The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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