no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
