well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
