I like to think it a success when the cops are called
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
