The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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