I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
