It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish i was in the wii world.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
