There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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