Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
