can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
