I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
