You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
