I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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