dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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