can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
