So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
