Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
