Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
