i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
