i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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