Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
