it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He passed out mid-signature
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
